I have been fortunate to count many experiences as blessings in my life. The one that I am going to share with you is my sacred blessing of raising my son, Hayden, with Spina Bifida. My story begins many years ago prayerfully struggling to become a mother. I tried various fertility treatments and adoption when I miraculously became pregnant with a little girl five long years later. After giving birth it felt like I was seeing the world in a way I never had before. She was all I had wanted for so long, I couldn’t wait to immediately start trying to have another. After a year passed and I was unable to became pregnant, I underwent invetro fertilization (IVF) and was overjoyed when I became pregnant with twins. I felt God’s love for me in this process and knew that I had made the right decision. It was this prayerful confirmation of my decision that helped me to carry on with some of the hardest trials I have ever had to endure.
Early on in the pregnancy, I miscarried one of the twins known as, Vanishing Twin Syndrome. I mourned this loss and felt love and comfort from many close family and friends who had also lost pregnancies. It was reassuring to know that I was not alone in my grief. Shortly thereafter, at my 20 week ultrasound I had been sent to a Perinatologist for an in-depth ultrasound. I had been to her for my first pregnancy, so I felt that I had nothing to fear. What happened in that office that day turned my life upside down. My husband and I were told that our child had brain and spine abnormalities and was diagnosed with Spina Bifida.
The doctor said that we could abort the pregnancy, do an experimental inutero surgery study, or wait and see. When we came home from the doctor that day full of grief, we began to pray. The Lord testified to me that day that we were not alone and that he was mindful of our hearts. Minutes later, our friend unexpectedly paid us a visit. He felt prompted to stop by and see how we were. We will never forget that moment.
That day, I began researching as much as I could about this condition. Our church ward held a fast for our family so that we could participate in the experimental study. We were selected to participate in the study, but after three days of many test, we received yet more news. Hayden’s brain had what appeared to be another abnormality that excluded us from the inutero surgery. Again, without a doubt, we knew that it was the Lord’s will.
When we returned home, I continued to pray and rely on the Lord to guide me. I read in our gospel literature that when someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.
As I reflect upon the past 2 years of work with my happy Hayden, my faith is strengthened from the many things that he has been blessed to overcome. Seven surgeries within the first year of his life and crawling at 22 months. While we continue to attend sometimes 6+ therapies per week, my hope is that my faith is perfecting.
